Confusion Reigns Supreme

ITBod asked me this afternoon at work whether I'd seen any decent jobs in the area, so I told him that I hadn't even looked.

"Why the hell not?" he replied.

"Simple." I said, "Every time I see a five minute slot coming up in my work schedule, someone like you comes along and gives me work to do."

"Well, tell them they'll have to wait. By the way could you get this one done by four o'clock..." as he handed me another bloody report...

And he wasn't joking.

Even more of an incentive to get the hell out of this job. I'll do anything, ANYTHING other than Graphics/Repro.

One of the reasons why I love watching Mythbusters:

see more Lol Celebs

*simpers*

I've just been reading some reviews of Stephen King's "It"

About the Book

It's a small city, a place as hauntingly familiar as your own hometown. Only in Derry the haunting is real.......
They were seven teenagers when they first stumbled upon the horror. Now they were grown-up men and women who had gone out into the big world to gain success and happiness. But none of them could withstand the force that drew them back to Derry to face the nightmare without an end, and the evil without a name.

Media Reviews

Library Journal
The amazingly prolific King returns to pure horror, pitting good against evil as in The Stand and The Shining. Moving back and forth between 1958 and 1985, the story tells of seven children in a small Maine town who discover the source of a series of horrifying murders. Having conquered the evil force once, they are summoned together 27 years later when the cycle begins again. As usual, the requisite thrills are in abundance, and King's depiction of youngsters is extraordinarily accurate and sympathetic. But there is enough material in this epic for several novels and stories, and the excessive length and numerous interrelated flashbacks eventually become wearying and annoying. Nevertheless, King is a born storyteller, and It will undoubtedly be in high demand among his fans. BOMC main selection. Eric W. Johnson, Univ. of Bridgeport Lib., Ct.

The New York Times Book Review - Walter Wager
Where did Stephen King, the most experienced crown prince of darkness, go wrong with It? Almost everywhere. Casting aside discipline, which is as important to a writer as imagination and style, he has piled just about everything he could think of into this book and too much of each thing as well. . . .Determined to keep the shocks appearing every 20 pages or so, Mr. King has conscientiously spiced his story with deadly flying leeches, an awful eye slightly larger than a beer truck, a homicidal bird with the wingspan of a jet fighter and other lethal lollapaloozas created by the enormously powerful mind-bodyof It. The book is not merely a bizarre bestiary, however. This ambitious novel is a tale of the fundamental struggle between good and evil.

The Christian Science Monitor (Eastern edition) - Ron Burnett
{This is} an impossibly long account of how a group of children in Derry,Maine, battled, in 1958, the monster ('IT') only to discover that, in 1985, IT had somehow returned. And so it seems must they for another grisly (in every sense of the word) encounter. It is to gruesomeness what the Sears Roebuck catalog is to things to buy. What's available in depravity and perverse sexuality? Flip through the Stephen King catalog and find out. The book has been praised for its local color. King has been praised as a Maine historian. Considering the color (red) and the history (it's gross), I suspect that some Maine locals will wish they had a different historian.

Newsweek
Stephen King's apparent desire to be a literary heavy hitter weighs down his already elephantine new novel. . . . The exciting and absorbing parts of It are not the mechanical showdowns and shockeroos--and certainly not the 'ideas'--but the simple scenes in which King evokes childhood in the 1950s. If--fat chance--he ever takes a vow of poverty and tries for true literary sainthood, this intensely imagined world would be a good place to begin his pilgrimage.

And finally the award for the fullest and most in-depth review goes to:

Chicago Sun-Times
A great book.

*ahem*

If you can't wind down during your wind-down period, when can you, eh?

Amazing how weapon-like a C-EXV16 Cyan toner cartridge looks, innit?

My office clock isn't all that old, but after changing the battery three times in the last six weeks I think it's time to say farewell to it.

This morning I got in at twenty to nine, but according to my clock it was half past six. Even now as I look up at it, it is telling me that it's not even nine o'clock yet.

There's a rather personal observation in the footnote from the Universe this morning...

"In this corner of the planet, in and around Woking, we have the defending Intergalactic Manifesting Champion, aka 'The Comeback Kid,' the one and only, purple-loving, leotard-wearing, 'Don't mind if I do...' Rob McCarthy!!!"

(I only do the leotard thing when there's no-one looking...

...or so I thought.. )

My coughs taste of earwigs.

How the hell do I know what earwigs taste like?

This one hit a chord with me and I send it out to you all...

From HERE

Courtesy of the late, great Tommy Cooper...

Cracks me up every time!

June 26, 2009: The crew of the International Space Station (ISS) is about to get a new "eye-pod." The Tranquility node headed for the space station early in 2010 will feature a viewing dome unlike any other window ever flown in space. The dome, called the Cupola, is literally studded with windows for observing Earth, space, and the marvelous expanse of the ISS itself.

The Cupola, named after the raised observation deck on a railroad caboose, is designed as an observation platform for operations outside the station--e.g., robotics, spacewalks, and docking spacecraft. Computer workstations inside the dome will give astronauts full control over the space station's robotic arm and dexterous manipulator, while the windows offer unparalleled views of these devices in action.

Above: An artist's concept of the Cupola. Credit: NASA

It's also a place where astronauts can unwind.

"Crews tell us that Earth gazing is important to them," says Julie Robinson, the ISS Program Scientist at NASA's Johnson Space Center. "The astronauts work hard up there and are away from their families for a long time. Observing the Earth and the stars helps relax and inspire them."

Until now, space station astronauts have been confined to looking out small portholes or at best the 20-inch window in the US Destiny Laboratory. The Cupola will dramatically expand their view.

"The Cupola's 80-cm diameter circular top window is the largest window ever built for space," says Robinson. "Rather than peering through a little porthole, the Cupola will allow a stunning look at the cosmos and unprecedented panoramic views of Earth. Astronauts will share these views with the world through photographs taken through the windows and posted online."
This could lead to scientific discoveries:

"By photographing oblique views with different sun angles, the astronauts can use the Cupola to give scientists a view of the Earth that is not available from satellites," she adds. Astronaut photographs of Earth have been used to understand Earth processes such as melting of icebergs, noctilucent clouds, dust storms, and the structure of hurricane eyes.

It seems fitting that the space station is getting the Cupola around the time of the 40th anniversary of the Apollo program. Apollo astronauts, like the space station crew, cherished the experience of gazing back at the planet they left behind. Apollo 14 moonwalker Ed Mitchell had this to say:

"Suddenly, from behind the rim of the moon, in long, slow-motion moments of immense majesty, there emerges a sparkling blue and white jewel, a light, delicate sky-blue sphere laced with slowly swirling veils of white, rising gradually like a small pearl in a thick sea of black mystery. It takes more than a moment to fully realize this is Earth . . . home."

From the Cupola, it's going to look better than ever.

Author: Dauna Coulter | Editor: Dr. Tony Phillips | Credit: Science@NASA

End notes

The Cupola is now at Kennedy Space Center waiting for final integration on the Node-3 (Tranquility) axial hatch and closeout for flight. With the launch date set by NASA for February 2010 on Space Shuttle Endeavour, Node-3/Cupola should be integrated in the Shuttle cargo bay by the end of 2009.

The Node 3 connecting module, built by prime contractor Thales Alenia Space in Turin, Italy, is the last element of a barter agreement by which ESA supplied NASA with ISS hardware, including the Cupola and two Node modules (Node 2 and 3).

Source: NASA

I'll look forward to seeing some of their holiday piccies!

Part one in an occasional series. (reposted under a new title)

The Legend Of Knockfierna*

It is a very good thing not to be in any way in dread of the faeries, for without doubt they have then less power over a person, but to make too free with them or to disbelieve in them altogether is as foolish a thing as any man, woman or child can do.

It has been truly said that good manners are no burden, and that civility costs nothing, but there are some people foolhardy enough to disregard doing the civil thing which, whatever they may think, can never harm themselves or anyone else, and who at the same time will go out of their way for a bit of mischief, which never can serve them, but sooner or later they will come to know better, as you shall hear of Carroll O’Daly, a strapping young fellow up out of Connaught, whom they used to call in his own country “Devil Daly.”

Carroll O’Daly used to go roving about from one place to another and the fear of nothing stopped him. He would as soon pass a churchyard or a regular faerie ground at any hour of the night as go from one room to another without ever making the sign of the cross or saying “Good luck attend you, gentlemen,”

It so happened that he was journeying in the county of Limerick towards the “Balbec of Ireland,” the venerable town of Kilmannock, and just at the foot of Knockfierna he overtook a respectable-looking man jogging along on a white pony. The night was coming on and they rode side by side for a while, without much conversation passing between them further than saluting each other very kindly. At last, Carroll O’Daly asked his companion how far he was going.

“Not far away,” said the farmer, for such his appearance bespoke him. “I’m only going as far as the top of this hill here.”

“And what might take you there,” said O’Daly, “at this time of night?”

“Why then,” replied the farmer, “if you want to know, ‘tis the good people.”

“The faeries, you mean,” said O’Daly.

“Shh! Shh!” said his fellow traveller, “or you may be sorry for it.” and he turned his pony off the road they were going towards a little path which led up the side of the mountain, wishing Carroll O’Daly good night and safe journey.

“That fellow,” thought Carroll, “is about no good this blessed night, and I would have no fear of swearing wrong if I took my Bible oath, that it is something else besides the faeries, or the good people, as he calls them, that is taking him up the mountain at this hour. The faeries!” he repeated, “is it for a well-shaped man like him to be going after little chaps like the faeries! To be sure some say there are such things, and more say not, but I know this, that never afraid would I be of a dozen of them, aye, of two dozen for that matter, if they are no bigger than what I hear tell of.”

Carroll O’Daly, whilst these thoughts were passing in his mind, had fixed his eyes steadfastly on the mountain, behind which the full moon was rising majestically. Upon an elevated point that appeared darkly against the moon’s disk, he beheld the figure of a man leading a pony, and he had no doubt it was that of the farmer with whom he had just parted company.

A sudden resolve to follow flashed across the mind of O’Daly with the speed of lightning. Both his courage and curiosity had been worked up by his cogitations to a pitch of chivalry, and muttering “Here’s after you, old boy!” he dismounted from his horse, bound him to an old thorn tree, and then commenced vigorously ascending the mountain.

Following as well as he could the direction taken by the figures of the man and the pony, he pursued his way, occasionally guided by their partial appearance, and after toiling for nearly three hours over a rugged and sometimes swampy path, came to a green spot on the top of the mountain, where he saw the white pony at full liberty grazing as quietly as may be. O’Daly looked around for the rider, but he was nowhere to be seen. However, he soon discovered, close to where the pony stood, an opening in the mountain like the mouth of a pit, and he remembered having heard as a child many a tale about the “Poul-duve” or Black Hole of Knockfierna – how it was the entrance to the faerie castle which was within the mountain, and how a man whose name was Ahern, a land surveyor in that part of the country, had once attempted to fathom it with a line, and had been drawn down into it and was never again heard of, with many other tales of the like nature.

“But,” thought O’Daly, “these are old women’s stories, and since I’ve come up so far, I’ll just knock at the castle door and see if the faeries are at home.”

No sooner said than done, for seizing a large stone as big as both his hands, he flung it with all his strength down into the Poul-duve of Knockfierna. He heard it bounding and tumbling from one rock to another with a terrible noise, and he leant his head over to try and hear when it would reach the bottom. And what should that very stone he had thrown in do but come up again with as much force as it had gone down, and gave him such a blow to the face that it sent him rolling down the side of Knockfierna, head over heels, tumbling from one crag to another, much faster than he had come up. And in the morning Carroll O’Daly was found lying beside his horse; the bridge of his nose broken, which disfigured him for life, his head all cut up and bruised, and both his eyes closed up and as black as if Sir Daniel Donnelly had painted them for him.

Carroll O’Daly was never bold again in riding alone near the haunts of the faeries after dusk, but small blame to him for that. And if ever he happened to be benighted in a lonesome place, he would make the best way of his journey’s end without asking questions or turning to the right or to the left to seek after the good people or any who kept company with them.

-o0o-

* Knock Dhoinn Firinne - the mountain of the Hill of Truth. The mountain is very high and can be seen for many a mile, and when people want to know whether it will rain or not, they look to the top of Knock Firinn, and if they see a mist there they conclude that it will soon rain, believing that the King of that mountain and his aerial assistants are collecting the clouds to hold for a short while to warn people of approaching rain. As the appearance of mist on the mountain in the morning is considered an infallible sign that that day will be rainy, the Donn is called ”Donn Firinne,” Hill of Truth.

I've had an absolutely lovely, relaxing, peaceful, if a bit short day today.

Confused Penny though. I'm sure she thinks it's Saturday!

Oh, before I forget, I had a text from Hebburndelboy with some breaking news:

Contrary to first belief, Michael Jackson did not die of a heart attack. He actually died of a severe allergic reaction to some 12 year old nuts.

*ahem*

I'll get his coat for him, shall I?

The King of Pop is no more

And here I sit, shocked and saddened, despite the fact that I was no great fan of the man or his music. This will affect a lot of people.

He was only 50, that's no age to go.

My thoughts go out to the Jackson family, especially his three kids.

Do I stay in with this bottle of cider and watch the news and Question Time or do I go down the pub for the last hour or so?

Checks battery level...93% and charging...hmmm...

I think I'll wait until I'm fully charged and then really start my weekend!

Yesterday, I was given a job to do that actually utilises my abilities in the way that has been sadly neglected for quite a while. I was asked to design a certificate.

It didn't take me long to get back into the swing of actually doing the job I'm paid for and time just flew by while I was doing it. Not too many flourishes, a bit of fancy lettering here and there, all necessary logos put in where they should be. Easy, eh?

He gave it the OK this morning and told me how many he wanted. Half an hour later he came back to pick them up. He was quite impressed.

One satisfied customer! YES!

What are they going to do without me, eh?

Someone in marketing ought to be either fired or promoted because of THIS. I just cant decide which.

Why am I soooo tired?
I'm not quite at nodding off point, but If' I'm not careful it could end up that way soon.

Maybe a gentle stroll in the fresh air on the way to the pub will make me feel a bit better...

Somehow, I can't see this Bill exactly being rushed through Parliament, but it bloody well should be.

What is it with me?

I'm not exactly the worlds greatest writer, not by a long chalk, and I'll readily admit that I'm not exactly the most outgoing of people in real life, but whenever I try to trim my friends list down to "separate the wheat from the chaff" as it were, within days I'm inundated with invitations and end up with more friends than before I started.

I must either be doing it wrong or I must be doing something else right.

Ah well. Better go home now, they've started cleaning the tables and hoovering the carpets. I'm glad they got that the right way round!

Finances sorted.

Just got to stop off at the cash machine on the way to the pub at lunchtime.

Internet banking - Don't ya just love it?

It's not confined to schoolkids and fed-up workers. A plant that pretends to be ill has been found growing in the rainforests of Ecuador.

The plants feigns sickness to stop it being attacked by insect pests known as mining moths, which would otherwise eat its healthy leaves.

It is the first known example of a plant that mimics being ill, and could also explain a common pattern seen on plant leaves known as variegation.

Now if you don't mind, I'm feeling a bit dodgy at the mo'. Sorry, boss.

(Note: I’m waiting to board a delayed flight with one of Europe’s cheapest and largest airlines.)

Hostess: "Welcome to flight *** from Malmoe to Dublin. Those of you with seating numbers 1 through 35, please go to line one. Those of you with seating numbers 36 and up, please go to line two. If any of you are traveling with small children or checked in online, please go to the counter and you will be let on board before we start boarding the other passengers."

(A group of businessmen, about 35-55 years old and in suits, walk to the counter and cut in front of a family with very young children.)

Hostess: "Well, I can see you didn’t check in online, so you’ll have to stand in line. The first line is for early seating numbers; the second line is for la–"

Businessman #1: "Oh, come on… can’t you make an exception? We’re already standing here and all."

Businessman #2: "You only have to board us and we’re done!"

Hostess: "No, you’ll have to wait in turn, just like everyone else. The lines start over there."

Businessman #2: "But I always get to board the plane first!"

Hostess: "You’re not a family with children and you didn’t check in over the internet, so you’ll have to stand in line."

Businessman #2: *very angrily* "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!"

Hostess: "No, but you can’t be that important if you’re traveling with us."

Businessman #2: *quietly retreats to the back of the line with his buddies*

From HERE. Thanks for the link, Subz!!

I'm sitting here in my lunchtime local thinking "curse that bloody phone bill!" as I consider taking out my last £20 from the bank which will have to last until a week tomorrow.

I'll have to try to free up the funds that that idiot bank manager put into a closed account, otherwise it's going to have to be a case of grovelling cap in hand at the cashpoint of the bank of mum&dad.

Ho-hum.

Just a thought, as a singleton:

It's bloody awful when questions come up about current girlfriends/boyfriends/significant others.

*bites lip and hugs pillowfriend*

G'night.

00:44 Watching the IOM TT coverage on ITV. Exciting! Woo!

That's my new nickname.

It all started a week or so ago while I was standing outside the pub having a ciggie.

There's a bunch of lads laying cables from Goldsworth Park to god knows where, but it's miles away (I think it's going to Egham). They have chosen my local as their haunt of choice in the evenings and it was while they were outside having a ciggie at the same time as me that the following exchange happened.

One of them: *PAAARP* "More tea, vicar?

Me: *PAARP* "Pass the scones..."

*ahem*

And that's just what I've been doing - as little as is humanly possible.

I was going to have a lie-in and play on my much ignored recently PlayStation until midday, but my bladder had other ideas at half past 8.

So the sum total of what I have done today is as follows:
Got up.
Watched some motorcycle racing.
Watch the British Grand Prix.
Had salad for lunch.
Caught up with some blogs.

And now I'm going to play a game or two...

Oh, and by the way, Penny seems fine again. Back to her usual bossy self. We really must make sure she keeps her nose out of the bin.

She's not well. She's got a jippy tummy again. She threw up on the toilet floor this evening.

Looks like she'll have to go on a diet of chicken and rice for a while.

Another one today:

You have been selected in the Chevron/Texaco Award that took place
this June 2009 , and you are to claim the sum of $750,000 USD which
you email address has won for you.Your winning number is: CT-222-6747 NG.You are adviced to contact your claims advicer with this details
NAME IN FULL: ...................... DELIVERY ADDRESS: .........................
AGE: ............................NATIONALITY: ...............................OCCUPATION: .......................... PHONE: .................................. SEX: .........................................COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE
CLAIMS ADVICER:
Contact Name Below:
Mr Frank Akimbo
Email Address Below:
frankakimbo500[at]8u8.com

I don't think so, Frank...

Just received this:

From The Desk Of Mr.Michel Miguel.
Auditing And Accounting Manager,

Dear Friend,

Everything that happens to one has spiritual significance. I was just leafing through the profiles of some names in the internet before I came through your name. Though, the internet has been grossly abused by scam artist and miscreants whose intention is to hurt. In as much as one should be careful, same time we should not allow negative to kill the positive potential in a realistic business. I have chosen to reach you because I felt that business is taking risk, going from the known to the unknown.

I am the manager of Accounts / Operations Department of our bank here in Abidjan Cote D'Ivoire. In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of ( US$16.5,million US dollars ) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer retired Atlanta physician Mr.George Brumley Jr,who die in Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful.

Since we got information about his death,we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless some body applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlings and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill.

The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and an Ivoirienne cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I agree that 50 % of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account, While 50% will be for me Thereafter,

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. In your reply mail, I want you to give me your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers. If you can handle this with me,

Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation

Best Regards,

Mr.Michel Miguel.

They must think I'm some kind of mug. And not one you drink out of!
I should have a big sign up saying "No phishing without a permit"...

Talk about complex...

It may take me a wee while to work out what everything does...

My keyboard and software has turned up as promised!

Now I have to try it out. If I disappear for days on end, you know where I'll be.

I've just posted this on the Shit Forum:

http://213.253.134.7/ies/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=1366

Let's see what response I get, if any, as the forum seems to be slowly withering away...

Thanks to you all for your concern over Penny's health after last night's two incidents.

She's fine. She just had a very jippy tummy last night for some reason. Probably from eating her dinner too quickly.

June 17, 2009: The sun is in the pits of a century-class solar minimum, and sunspots have been puzzlingly scarce for more than two years. Now, for the first time, solar physicists might understand why.

At an American Astronomical Society press conference today in Boulder, Colorado, researchers announced that a jet stream deep inside the sun is migrating slower than usual through the star's interior, giving rise to the current lack of sunspots.

Rachel Howe and Frank Hill of the National Solar Observatory (NSO) in Tucson, Arizona, used a technique called helioseismology to detect and track the jet stream down to depths of 7,000 km below the surface of the sun. The sun generates new jet streams near its poles every 11 years, they explained to a room full of reporters and fellow scientists. The streams migrate slowly from the poles to the equator and when a jet stream reaches the critical latitude of 22 degrees, new-cycle sunspots begin to appear.

Above: A helioseismic map of the solar interior. Tilted red-yellow bands trace solar jet streams. Black contours denote sunspot activity. When the jet streams reach a critical latitude around 22 degrees, sunspot activity intensifies.

Howe and Hill found that the stream associated with the next solar cycle has moved sluggishly, taking three years to cover a 10 degree range in latitude compared to only two years for the previous solar cycle.

The jet stream is now, finally, reaching the critical latitude, heralding a return of solar activity in the months and years ahead.

"It is exciting to see", says Hill, "that just as this sluggish stream reaches the usual active latitude of 22 degrees, a year late, we finally begin to see new groups of sunspots emerging."

The current solar minimum has been so long and deep, it prompted some scientists to speculate that the sun might enter a long period with no sunspot activity at all, akin to the Maunder Minimum of the 17th century. This new result dispells those concerns. The sun's internal magnetic dynamo is still operating, and the sunspot cycle is not "broken."
Because it flows beneath the surface of the sun, the jet stream is not directly visible. Hill and Howe tracked its hidden motions via helioseismology. Shifting masses inside the sun send pressure waves rippling through the stellar interior. So-called "p modes" (p for pressure) bounce around the interior and cause the sun to ring like an enormous bell. By studying the vibrations of the sun's surface, it is possible to figure out what is happening inside. Similar techniques are used by geologists to map the interior of our planet.

In this case, researchers combined data from GONG and SOHO. GONG, short for "Global Oscillation Network Group," is an NSO-led network of telescopes that measures solar vibrations from various locations around Earth. SOHO, the Solar and Heliospheric Observatory, makes similar measurements from Earth orbit.

"This is an important discovery," says Dean Pesnell of NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center. "It shows how flows inside the sun are tied to the creation of sunspots and how jet streams can affect the timing of the solar cycle."

There is, however, much more to learn.

"We still don't understand exactly how jet streams trigger sunspot production," says Pesnell. "Nor do we fully understand how the jet streams themselves are generated."

To solve these mysteries, and others, NASA plans to launch the Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO) later this year. SDO is equipped with sophisticated helioseismology sensors that will allow it to probe the solar interior better than ever before.

Right: An artist's concept of the Solar Dynamics Observatory.

"The Helioseismic and Magnetic Imager (HMI) on SDO will improve our understanding of these jet streams and other internal flows by providing full disk images at ever-increasing depths in the sun," says Pesnell.

Continued tracking and study of solar jet streams could help researchers do something unprecedented--accurately predict the unfolding of future solar cycles. Stay tuned for that!

Source: NASA

Yep, it's been set up to run at precisely 9pm BST tonight, but only by the skin of my teeth.

Women are more attractive if they smile than if they wear make-up, a study has found.

Three quarters of those polled said a grin made a girl look prettier than a serious-looking girl with perfect looks.

No shit, Sherlock!

Give us a smile, it's free!

...to Igor Stravinsky.

Well, Google are celebrating, so why not?

I just needed to make a quick dash to the loo only to find that Penny's been rather unwell right outside my bedroom door...

*squelch* Eeeewww!

EDIT 07:00 She's left another pool on the landing. Now I'm beginning to worry.

I lost touch with a good friend when we left school and he moved back to the States. Recently I've been thinking about him a lot, despite the fact that I'd rather forget anything to do with that hell-hole that I had to go to in order to attain my rather average qualifications. I want to know how he's progressed in his life, despite the fact that it will probably make me even more depressed.

At one point I did have his home address, or rather that of his parents, through a mutual friend, but that mutual friend has long since moved away and out of my life (we weren't really that close) and I've lost my American friend's address.

However, I remembered that the last place I knew him to be living in was in Ohio (Beaver Creek, to be precise) so I did a quick check on Google for the Ohio telephone directory and there he was, complete with postal address and family members, including his sister, mother and father, which confirmed that I had found the right person.

Handy that, but at the same time just a little bit scary...

I'll be in touch with him sometime soon so we can catch up on the last 23 years.

One of our latest recruits has offered his assistance with my application for that job that I want.

As he has been through the system more recently than anyone else I know, his insight could turn out to be very useful.

Everyone has been supportive of me in this little adventure, but I just know I'm not going to get the job. I am preparing for failure.

That's the good thing about being a pessimist: You're never disappointed, but occasionally pleasantly surprised.

I read in the newspapers today that "Separate" is no longer the most commonly misspelled word in the English language.

It has been overtaken by "Definitely".

Spotted at London Heathrow Airport on Google Earth:

Gods, I wish she was still flying.

Yes, courtesy of NASA's Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill (COLBERT), bungee running takes on a whole new meaning on the International Space Station!

...when a zombie is getting tired?

...

He looks dead on his feet!

...

I'll get my coat...

Thanks to Sir Terrence of Wogan for reminding me of this one this morning.

Invite

"Have you got an invite?"

No, but I did receive an invitation. Now try learning some basic grammar.

You invite (verb) someone by sending them an invitation (noun).

Simples.

Since purchasing my nice new coat (have I mentioned that?) :

Germany;

Wolf whistled five times (only once by a woman *ahem*)

Threatened with violence because of my appearance once (by a drunken local).

England;

Threatened with violence five times.

Wolf whistled twice (both male)

Hmm. Methinks I prefer the German attitude.
(and the opening times of the bars)

That's us!

Bruv, SiL and niece came over for lunch today, so we had roast beef, roast potatoes, parsnips, roast onions and peppers, Yorkshire pudding and all the trimmings. Mmmmm... Nom, nom, nom!

We had to ask my niece about her big adventure - a school trip to the battlefields of Normandy and to visit the French schoolchildren that they have been emailing as part of their French lessons. I never had school trips like that. The only time we left the country as a school party it was to go skiing...

And then it was my turn to regale them with what tales I could remember of the Berlin blogmeet. *ahem*

At least I had the photos to remind me.

And I managed to offload the last of my Euros, as they are off to Greece in six weeks time .

I know it's a fortnight late, but I've only just got round to uploading it to YouTube.

Excuse the poor quality, but this was taken on my phone rather than my camera as my camera batteries were running low.

AquaDom, Berlin.

FEEEEEEEEESH!

And yes I did get told off by Soy in the exhibition before this for forgetting to turn my camera's flash off. I apologise to any feeesh I may have blinded.

It only happened the once, though.

*ahem*

http://www.kartoen.be/wp/

...in my uselessness with names:

"People often have tip of the tongue experiences for proper names, again because we don't use them very frequently," she adds.

Seconds later during an interview with New Scientist, Pyers struggled briefly to recall the name of a colleague. "I can picture this guy in my head," she said.

Source: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17263-why-your-brain-just-cant-remember-that-word.html?DCMP=NLC-nletter&nsref=dn17263

Just like I did when I couldn't recall the name of the guy who gave me that report yesterday lunchtime...

Yup, you read that right.

I am admitting defeat.

I am a total failure.

I am worse than useless.

500 words. That's all they want.

I can't even think of the first one.

I don't know what they want from me.

I don't know where to even start.

I have all the relevant information to hand, but I cannot for the life of me work out where to bloody start.

I may as well give up now.

I AM A FAILURE.

I have no future, only a past.

Hide the knives.

The inquisitive inflection.

I believe it may have started when we, the British public, started being mesmerised by the phenomenon of the Aussie Soap Opera.

I'm not even talking as recently as "Neighbours" and "Home and Away", I'm harking back to "The Sullivans". Anyone remember that one?

Why has almost every statement suddenly become a question?

I was walking down the High Street?
And I saw a pair of shoes?
In the shop window?
And I knew I just had to have them.

Yes, it is predominantly an affliction of the tender-aged female populace. Even my niece talks like that, and it pee's me off no end.

If its a statement, state it. Don't feckin' ask!

You have been awarded a price of 1,801,613.00 Euro. Verify by sending in your details, your name, address, age, phone number etc.

So that's my price is it? Who'd pay that much for little me?

Yes, I've been trawled by another phisherman.

Surprising and quite informative is how I'd classify the following clip:

Wow! And I mean that in a good way. Iron is good, anaemia isn't.

That's the way I'm feeling at the mo'.

After the way I've been treated this afternoon I should be eagerly composing those evidences, but I don't even want to think of anything work-related right now.

I've got the paperwork which lays out the core competences that I'm supposed to give evidence of, but I just cannot think clearly enough to write a single bloody word.

I think I'll have to sleep on it and do it tomorrow.

Instead I've indulged in a little "Pearl Diversion"

*ahem*

From the Urban Dictionary:

chronoptimist

A person who always under estimates the time necessary to do something or get somewhere.

"Hey, Cindy. you know my parents are expecting us in 20 minutes."
"No problem. I just have to wash the dishes, take a shower, do my hair, walk the dog and then I'm all good to go. See you in 15."
"You are such a chronoptimist! I'll see you in 45."

One of our consultants has just handed me a report to produce for first parade Monday morning.

Check the time.

Last f***ing minute or what?

I have been given the afternoon off in order to prepare my 500 word evidence of Core Competences for the Graphic Designer job...

Apparently they want quite a bit more than me just turning and saying "I can do that. Gi'us a job." Yosser Hughes-style.

This may take an hour or two.

This morning, while one of the larger print jobs was running I managed to get some internet me-time and I've booked a room at the Ibis hotel in Hull on the 15th of August for the soon to be legendary Hull Blogmeet!

It is on the 15th of August, isn't it?

Ah well, if not I've just booked a weekend away in a strange town I've never been to before...

I've had what normally would be classed as a really rather sh*tty day today. I've had little or nothing to do all week and suddenly today it was just a constant stream of reports and photocopying jobs one after another after another. And then I had a bit of an embarrassing moment. No, not that kind, but my guts haven't been too good today either. No, one of our consultants from the Wilton crew came in to ask for some more business cards, and do you think I could remember his name?

Fortunately for me he needed quite a few amendments to his cards, so he gave me one of his old ones with the amendments pencilled in which saved me the red facedness of having to ask "and who are you again?" It wouldn't be so bad but he's one of our longest serving members!

And then the news came in that I might have found my ideal job just about half a mile from my current office. Woohoo! Made my day, that did!

I just hope I get it.

I'm down the pub. It's shortly before kicking out time, and I nip out for a ciggie, leaving my lappie running on the table and my coat on the chair opposite me.

I come back and find that the chair I was actually sitting in has been taken away by someone on the next table. when this little faux-pas is pointed out to the miscreant I was greeted with laughter from all those sat at the table. No apology, no explanation and no offer of having the chair returned.

Bastards.

Bastards the lot of them. And yes, they are all older than me.

And to think I used to call them friends.

That's the quiz set up to publish at 9pm on the dot, though I doubt if there will be an early rush as the footy's on.

What do you reckon? 5-0 to Andorra England?

Me? I don't really care.

How does he manage to do that?

Happiness comes first, Rob. Partners, abundance, and cool shoes come later.

Or at least this is how I'd line up my duckies.

Ungawa -
The Universe

...

Thoughts become things... choose the good ones! ®
© www.tut.com ®

No, Rob, cool shoes never came first.

How does he know I'm looking into buying footwear? OK, maybe not cool shoes, but certainly decent looking boots...

Return of the Mars Hoax

06.09.2009

June 9, 2009: Just when you thought it was safe to check your email...

For the sixth year in a row, a message about the Red Planet is popping up in email boxes around the world. It instructs readers to go outside after dark on August 27th and behold the sky. "Mars will look as large as the full moon," it says. "No one alive today will ever see this again."

Don't believe it.

Here's what will really happen if you go outside after dark on August 27th. Nothing. Mars won't be there. On that date, the red planet will be nearly 250 million km away from Earth and completely absent from the evening sky.

Right: Only in Photoshop does Mars appear as large as a full Moon.

The Mars Hoax got its start in 2003 when Earth and Mars really did have a close encounter. On Aug. 27th of that year, Mars was only 56 million km away, a 60,000-year record for martian close approaches to Earth. Someone sent an email alerting friends to the event. The message contained some misunderstandings and omissions—but what email doesn't? A piece of advanced technology called the "forward button" did the rest.

Tolerant readers may say that the Mars Hoax is not really a hoax, because it is not an intentional trick. The composer probably believed everything he or she wrote in the message. If that's true, a better name might be the "Mars Misunderstanding" or maybe the "Confusing-Email-About-Mars-You-Should-Delete-and-Not-Forward-to-Anyone-Except-Your-In-Laws."
Another aspect of the Mars Hoax: It says Mars will look as large as the full Moon if you magnify it 75x using a backyard telescope. The italicized text is usually omitted from verbal and written summaries of the Hoax. (For example, see the beginning of this story.) Does this fine print make the Mars Hoax true? After all, if you magnify the tiny disk of Mars 75x, it does subtend an angle about the same as the Moon.

No. Even with magnification, Mars does not look the same as a full Moon.

This has more to do with the mysterious inner workings of the human brain than cold, hard physics. Looking at Mars magnified 75x through a slender black tube (the eyepiece of a telescope) and looking at the full Moon shining unfettered in the open sky are two very different experiences.

Above: Mars in August 2003 during a 60,000-year record close approach. Even then, the planet resembled a bright star, not a full Moon. Photo credit: John Nemy & Carol Legate of Whistler, B.C.

A good reference is the Moon Illusion. Moons on the horizon look huge; Moons directly overhead look smaller. In both cases, it is the same Moon, but the human mind perceives the size of the Moon differently depending on its surroundings.

Likewise, your perception of Mars is affected by the planet's surroundings. Locate the planet at the end of a little dark tunnel, and it is going to look tiny regardless of magnification.

Bummer!

To see Mars as big as a full Moon, you'll need a rocketship, and that may take some time. Meanwhile, beware the Mars Hoax.

Addendum: If you simply must see a planet this Aug. 27th, go outside after dark and look south. Jupiter may be found shining brightly in the constellation Capricorn. Also note the quarter moon. It is having a pretty close encounter with the red, 1st-magnitude star Antares, a name which means "rival of Mars."

Author: Dr. Tony Phillips | Credit: Science@NASA

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2009/09jun_marshoax.htm?list1326919

...on Sunday, but I totally forgot about it until now.

Click pic for linkage.

There's a new barmaid started today at my lunchtime local.

She's quite pretty, in a goth sort of way, but I shan't be lusting over her as she looks like she's barely out of school...

She can't be 18, surely?

I like my new avatar. A gap-toothed Angus Young from the video to Let There Be Rock (or as Bon Scott would have said, "Letthereberock!")

I have a picture of my God as a visual representation of me and my persona!

Cool!

I might change it back to little Sweet-Pea, though.

I like that little doggie.

Did you ever see John Wayne wearing a hand-knitted-by-mummy-dearest jumper in any of his films?
Or Lee Marvin? Or even Yul Brinner, Clint Eastwood or Lee van Cleef?

The look I have achieved today would appear to be "The Good, The Bad and The Comfy"...

Tonight I went through my post.

1. New Barclaycard. Still no sign of my LloydsTSB credit card though.

2. Reward from Valued Opinions of 1 £10 Argos voucher.

3. T-Mobile phone bill, including my texting and internet usage while in Germany. £88 and a few pennies. A little lesson learned there, methinks.

...was deliciously cooked (by me!) Thai seasoned chicken breasts with rice and peas.

Simple meals are often the most delicious ones!

"Like"

I was at the pub at lunchtime (now there's a surprise) and I had the misfortune of overhearing the conversation between two young ladies on the next table. I swear almost every fourth word was "like".

It was like rather annoying, like. And they were still at it, like, when I got back from, like, the bar, y'know, like?

I had to put my headphones on and turn up the volume on my iPod.

...or has the blog gone all potty-mentole for a while?

All my designs have been replaced by something that, quite frankly, looks bloody awful!

And each of my blogs looks different from the others.

Strange...

I can't seem to get off of page ten of my friends' posts.

If I've missed anything, I've missed it. I may discover it later, but right now I don't care.

I should never have taken that weekend off...

Let's see if this works...

Just testing to make sure I haven't forgotten how to post videos.

Seems that I haven't.

I'm down the pub and there are two young girls in my usual seat by the power outlet and they're both using their laptops. I should have come down here straight after the Grand Prix...

And one of them has just spilt her drink over the other's lappy! Haha! Instant karma!

Ilie Nastase's looking his age these days isn't he?

Unlike Annabel Croft

I still admire them both, though.

I'm not sure if this falls under the mandate of my "Americanisms" rants as it is in common usage over here, especially in sports commentary.

We have a verb which, several times a week, is being used as a noun:

"It's a big ask..."

No, it's not. There is no such thing as an "ask". It may be a difficult challenge, or a hard question, but it is never going to be an "ask" of any size.

Etymology
(Northern form of) Old English āscian, from Proto-Germanic *aiskōjan. Cognate with German heischen, Danishæske, Russian искать (iskat').

Pronunciation
(RP) IPA: /ɑːsk/, SAMPA: /A:sk/
(GenAm) IPA: /æsk/, SAMPA: /{sk/
(US Regional Dialect) enPR: ăks

Verb
to ask (third-person singular simple present asks, present participle asking, simple past and past participle asked)

look for an answer to a question by speaking.

approach someone to do something.

Usage notes:
This is a catenative verb that takes the to infinitive.

Pronouncing ask as /æks/ is a common example of metathesis and a feature of some varieties of English, notably African American Vernacular English (AAVE).

The action expressed by the verb ask can also be expressed by the noun-verb combination pose a question (confer the parallel in German between fragen and eine Frage stellen).

Derived terms:
ask after
ask around
ask for
ask in
ask out
ask over
ask round

I was standing outside the pub and one of the off-duty barmaids came up to me and handed me her business card - she's a personal coach and style advisor - and complimented me on my nice new coat. "Very swish" I believe her words were.

Her husband introduced himself and told me that he was in the fashion industry and that he also admired my style...

Then after a while and a few drinks she kissed me...

...and later still told me that she hates my f*cking coat, it's too "vampiric"...

Confusing signals or what?

Her hubby still likes my style, though.

The various translations from German of the word "Depp":

Fool, jerk, dork, douchebag, dumbass, prat, jackass, dolt, moron, retard, twit, goof, bozo, dick, dickhead, dipshit, dodo, imbecile, kook, schmuck, simpleton, cretin, dope, dullard, dumbo, dweeb, nitwit, schmo, gimp, schnook, chimmer, blockhead, dip, idiot, lamebrain, lamer, loser, mudhead, muppet, nincompoop, ninny, softhead, Spazz.

Thanks, antlady, for pointing this out to me. *snrk*

No visitors this week, so we sat down to a meal of sausage and chips.

And then it struck me that it could have been wurst...

05:28 Listening to the rain. My gods! It's peeing down out there!

...but I know what I like.

One of the paintings in the Gemäldegalerie that absolutely captivated me was "Portrait of a Venetian Woman" by Albrecht Dürer

I have absolutely no idea why this small, fairly inconspicuous piece should draw me in so much, but it held me there for a while while Scoobs carried on looking for his holy grail.

There were so many other great works there that I had to tear myself away from that spot, but I will never forget her...

"It's my way of trying to return to normalcy. Escapism is survival to me."

Johnny Depp

What the is "normalcy"?

Whatever happened to NORMALITY?

Today I have been sampling Duchy Originals Organic Dry Reserve

6.2%abv, 750ml, £2.99, Waitrose

A dark bronze-gold lightly sparkling dry cider with a fruity aroma and bitter-sweet taste.

According to the label it should be consumed within 3 days of opening. THREE DAYS??? This will be gone within three HOURS!!!

Seriously very nice, very palatable. This is one thing that Prince Charles has got right!

8.5/10

From here.

Are you always late for things?
Yes. Sometimes so late that I don't show up at all.

Do you set your watch/clock to be a teeny bit fast so that you are never late?
Yes. It never works.

Can you ever get the dinner on the table at the time you told everyone it would be ready?
Yes. Sometimes early, because I don't want it to be late.

If you were the White rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, would you wear that silly waistcoat? If not, what would you wear?
No. I'd wear my nice new coat (have I mentioned that anywhere?) and it would give me an excuse for being late - "People keep stopping me to admire my nice coat"/"Sorry I'm late, I keep tripping over my coat..."

If you were Alice would you be so stupid to drink or eat any of that stuff she found?
I don't know about the food, but I'd probably be stupid enough to drink anything labelled "Drink Me"

Ah, Berlin! Wonderful city! Of course the last time we flew over we had to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Two sticks left! Of course, these days it's all blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, dirty great big tower in the middle! Anyway, when we got there we blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah And NotBob got lost again haha! But he wandered around blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah free WiFi hotspot, lucky blighter, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Fourth floor and no lift! Met up with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah bloody nice bloke, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Italian, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah lukewarm pizza! Anyway we headed orf, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blisters like onions, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah half past two in the morning! Haha!

Of course we were very, very drunk.

♫Bom-bom-bom-bom, bombombabombom, bombombom, babom,

Mr Sandman, send me a dream,
Make her the cutest that I've ever seen.
Just make sure that she doesn't notice
My chronic case of halitosis...

*ahem*

Pass me my step ladder, this horse is a high one...

I've just seen something that makes my blood boil.

On-street parking around here is minimal to say the least, being limited mainly to taxis and disabled bays, yet I've just witnessed a young mother park up in a disabled bay, get out of her car and walk round to get a baby buggy out of the boot. She then got her child out of his baby seat in the car and transfer him to the buggy before walking off to go shopping, despite the fact that the bay is clearly marked as a disabled bay both on the road and on a signpost.

Ignorant b***h!

Bloody hell! I go away for a weekend and it takes me practically a week to keep up with what's going on!

I may well have missed posts of the blogmeet, too!

That's it. I'm never going away again!!!

Bangkok Bank Berhad (Wholly owned subsidiary)
Mr. Robert Loke Tan Cheng, Chief Executive Officer
105 Jalan Tun H.S. Lee
50000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
(P.O Box 10734,50923 Kuala Lumpur)

Dear Customer,

Attn: To Whom It May Concern!

This is to inform the general public that the
management of Bangkok Bank Bhd of Malaysia are
giving away cheap affordable loan at low rate of
2% per annum for the New Year start up..Interested
applicants are to contact the bank management via
email for more information at bbb.berhad0[at]gmail.com
Required Data For Processing
Full Name:
Address:
Country:
Sex:
Age:
Contact Phone Number
Amount Needed:
Duration:

Thanks as we hope a nice transaction with you..

N B: Please note that all response MUST be
forwarded to our bank email address at
bbb.berhad0[at]gmail.com

Mrs Julia Puh
Advertising Agent-

I don't think so, Mrs Puh. Phish for someone else's details.

The accountants are having a celebratory dinner night tomorrow to acknowledge the fact that they have been in existence for 90 years. Guess who gets to do the seating plan, name cards, menus and visitors' passes. Oh joy of joys, that would be me then.

There's around 90 of them coming. I just hope I spell all their names right.

I'm glad I'm not invited though, as large crowds freak me out a bit.

Come on guys and gals! There's a quiz going on over on the Official Quick Quiz site and so far there have only been three people taking part!

I can't have made it that hard, surely...

Yes, I have just finished compiling this week's Official Quick Quiz which will launch at 9pm BST precisely over on the OQQ channel. Should be a bit of a doozy this week, I hope!

OK, Soundware have been a little less than forthcoming with their correspondence, however having sent them a politely snotty email last night they have responded. The item I want is still on back order and they have sent out an email about that. I didn't get that one. They have also apparently been trying to get me by phone. I've not had any missed calls apart from a couple over the weekend when Murphymole was trying to get hold of me.

Still, at least I know the order is in hand and that they care enough about their customers to address them properly:

From: Soundware Sales (sales@soundware.co.uk)
Sent: 03 June 2009 09:38:11
To: NotBob (notbob562@hotmail.com)

and I have NOT edited that in any way.
They know me as NotBob!

I've just emailed Soundware. Do you think this may elicit some response other than them trying to sell me something else? I very much doubt it...

Could you please inform me of when I can expect delivery of the goods that you took payment for on 12/05/09.

I have checked the website and it says 3-5 days and I'm getting more than a little impatient.

If my keyboard and software have not turned up by the twelfth of June I shall be on the phone to Soundware demanding either the nearest equivalent or my money back.

Their website claims that the kit I ordered would be delivered in 3-5 days.

They took my money on the 12th of May and it has not arrived.

At least I had regular updates from Higgs when they couldn't supply my coat on time, and they didn't take my money until they could supply the goods. I have heard NOTHING from Soundware about my keyboard and they have taken my money without giving me what I ordered.

They have ten days grace before I start getting shirty with them big time.

I am not a happy bunny.

The following pictures do not and never will convey the emotions I felt while I took them.

Firstly the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe

and the remnants of the Berlin Wall that is now the East Side Gallery

"Many small people who in many small places do many small things that can alter the face of the world"

This one literally moved me to tears:

Just trying to get my head around what these two memorials represent made me stop and wonder at the cruelty that humankind can and does inflict on itself...

Click on any pic to see a larger version

It was fun.

It was warm.

It was windy and occasionally very, very rainy.

At times it touched me more than I touched it.

Many photos were taken. Not all of them usable - I'm still sorting through those.

Explanatory post will follow sometime soon, just don't hold your breath.

I've just recieved this in an email:

Attn Customer,

We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmed Package that
is registered with us for shipping to your residential location.We had
thought that your sender gave you our contact details.It may interest you
to know that a letter is also added to your package.However, we cannot
quote the content of the letter to you via email for privacy reasons.
We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft
worth of $800,000.00 USD, FedEx do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES
but Bank Drafts are shippable.The package is registered with us for
mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he is from
the United States but he is here in Nigeria for a three (3)months
Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in Nigeria West
Africa We are sending you this email because your package is been
registered on a Special Order.

What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for
immediate dispatch of your package to your residencial address.Note that
as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only
one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's designated
destination.For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as
Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague before your package
was registered.Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance,
Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify that the Bank Draft is
not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism
in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the
Monetary Authority of your country.

However, you will have to pay the sum of $200 to the FedEx Delivery
Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the FedEx
company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Also be informed
that your colleague wished to pay for the Security Keeping fee, but we do
not accept such payment considering the facts that all items & package
that are registered with us have a time limitation and we cannot accept
payment not knowing when you will be contacting us for your package or
even responding to us.So we cannot take the risk to have accepted such
payment incase of any possible demurrage.

Kindly note that your colleague did not leave us with any further
information.We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if
you fail to respond until the expiry date of your package, we may refer
the package to the British Commission for Welfare as the package do not
have a return address.

Kindly contact the delivery department (FedEx Delivery Post) with the
details given below:

FedEx Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: Bright Johnson
Email: fedex-courier[at]inMail24.com
Tel: +234-706-243-1910

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given
above.This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone
numbers.

FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:

Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on:
fedex-courier[at]inMail24.com As soon as your details are received, our
delivery team will give you the neccessary payment procedure so that you can
effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm
your payment receipt of $200 they will not hesitate to dispatch your package
as well as the attahced letter to your residence. It usually takes 24 hours
being an overnight delivery service.

Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high
priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave
us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived Nigeria
and he hasn't fix his phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank
Draft and we found your email contact in the receivers column as the
recipient of the foremost package.

Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given
above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful
reconfirmation.

Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored.Send
your details to: fedex-courier[at]inMail24.com .

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Carla Blaire.
FedEx Online Team Management.
All rights reserved. © 1995-2009
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
This E-mail is only for the above addressees. It may contain confidential
or Privileged information. If you are not an addressee you must not copy,
distribute, disclose or use any of the information in it or any
attachments.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
---
FEDEX INTL>>>LICENSEE OF FEDERAL EXPRESS CORPERATION.

Slightly different from the normal scam, but still a phishing scam no matter which way you look at it...